Forty years ago, October 18, 1968, we, a famous south more than a thousand high school students, the school's neighbors, Jiangsu Province, the military brigade military taught dozens of military trucks people use, to rural areas jump the queue. cloudless day, autumn, yellow leaves the ground. we feel it and Autumn the contrary, the dark clouds, heavy, dark, fear: the dream of our youth in this day burst, we feel that they are sliding into a bottomless abyss.
I jump the queue in the rural areas a total of eight and a half and four days. eight and a half of the queue-jumping career, took me from one who is dare to have dreams of youth. the students age, we have mercy on those who make a living all day bustle of living things is the slaves to have been mercilessly killed the parents of our students ---- Zhuixin biting miss every day, which more than a thousand families experiencing long-term suffering. and the country as we have more than ten million young people, ; families have more than a thousand million! from the northeast of the Great Northern Wilderness to the rubber plantations in Yunnan frontier, from the Shaanxi-Gansu Loess Plateau to the East China Sea, Chongming Island, the country's rural areas, farms, leaving everywhere
the history of this period, in any case can not escape criteria. However, the ultimate criterion for evaluation of historical events is a human, is human survival and development, is a specific historical events of human existence and development of the role. judge the standards movement will only be village the there was no love, it was a lifetime living in entrance into the university even in less than forty people to study abroad, only five or six. we have our school enrollment, but an entrance had been nearly 100% of secondary schools record ah! 1992, I came back and classmates gathering Most of them have been found laid off, retired, doing nothing in the rest of mahjong and kill the drama. then positive youth boys and girls who never had a flash of life in the days of white hair on his head has been forgotten by society . We are outside in the relative regret, but also what to say! If not that campaign, how can they be down and out to this!
we are being sacrificed, was torn generation. and grandparents, parents than we like them experienced hunger in the famine years, most people have not enjoyed that they had had access to education, employment, freedom of movement; and my younger than most of us do not like them to enjoy material wealth. the mistakes of the country's history, unjustly, too much to bear by the people of this generation.
Today, some people might say, when you do not also have loyalty to the party table, to go to rural areas Zhantiandoudi, transformation yourself? have also vowed not spectacular rural youth for my country, and aims to do revolutionary successor to the great cause?
is that there are some people had to do it. it is because they are too young, the status quo lack of understanding, unconditional trust in the rulers is indeed thought to the countryside to do the great work. I remember someone came to Tiananmen Square to the Beijing declaration, determination to Yenan to jump the queue and take the old road of revolution, and so on.
However, I I believe the people harbor that only a few romantic sentiments, but they are blocked in a real case of information to make the wrong judgments are subject to a fool. with me to jump the queue in the more than a thousand students to the middle, I have never seen this kind of become a not propaganda team ; smart beautiful and most gas, Movement effective way: When recruiting in the Northeast, it is to use this until the can make you ; voluntary .
, these are not wrong. my own blood and tears That life has undergone trials and challenges abroad to encounter some frustration, so as , once said, more than eight years in despair suffered torment, can not compensate for lost dreams, lost love, and damaged health; more importantly, the use of violence to force my will, to limit my freedom, my personality and fouling is caused by trauma can never be compensated. If freedom, youth, education, the pursuit of the ideal self and life experience between the passive be my choice, I certainly did not hesitate to choose the former, I think most of their peers the choice of who would do the same.
Some people may say, our youth have had life time of a very special, unprecedented, and probably also to the experience of no worth value.
is that for us said that this is a very special life experience. However, , would not Yoshiya sent to the countryside to the exercise you?
, some Prince, the Princess who is visited. That was because of the painstaking efforts of their parents, that is to take over when they will not, like fools, King Hui lost as easily regimes. them to have clear goals and established program ---- Rural, into the factory, to troops, schools, learning martial arts written to inherit their cause. and therefore they do not need to force, deception, they naturally would not voluntarily. For us to understand from the first day to jump the queue is correct, no two ways about that clear: we will be there forever, that train successors ! If not Renwangzhengxi, the world changes, the first step in this program the end of the day certainly did not. Both the In order to solve the country was in economic and political difficulties, and therefore for the country, made a contribution to the nation.
is that we are as a country, nation, also made a sacrifice for the rulers of the error. But we sacrifice not out of their own will. then Tan refused to flee, shouted, sacrifices Qiurenderen, voluntary case, so with no regrets. and we had nothing in common with him, because we are forced to sacrifice.
Therefore, no matter now or in the future, if someone tries to this field stained with blood and tears of what to look for the movement of not legal, but inhumane, of course, will not be in the history of a positive evaluation. means only reflect the purpose of mean never mean. , to visit a collective farm. a farmer said to him, stick they have been willing to rush into a stick, people should go or not go in to choose freedom. any case, the time for us to go, even grim, hand surgeon rods, heart, such as snakes and scorpions who are embarrassed to say that paradise. < br> Today, high-sounding reason to take a thousand, ten thousand kinds of so-called positive elements, want to defend all that campaign waste their effort: to determine that campaign is a national disgrace, disaster, the nature of the youth, just one sentence: : From autumn 1968 to spring 1977, I have to jump the queue more than eight and a half, a total of 3,104 days and nights, also more than 173 days War! four decades past, when all had to jump the queue is vanishing from memory to those people and things gradually blurred, that experience of getting back to life. But when I see on ; met then However, among related activities with the educated youth, there is a I never participated in that gathering of the educated youth organizations. Such gatherings often overseas, I live in the area several times to hold a commemoration of the educated youth.
Why? only one reason: I'm afraid to see those party to play the slogan on our experience, we had about life, society, thinking and thinking about the choices on the basis of our attitude toward the face of adversity, and so on, are no cause or need to regret, reflection.
However, we really regret it? really?
No, I have a lot to regret, reflection of the place. because at that time in the face of adversity, if we can correct the face of it, I have much happier past and present, for their will be a solid grasp of the fate of some of my personal, family or society can do much more certain, better. There are many things I could do, should do, but I just did not do.
I can not regret.
example, if the social situation at the time have a more in-depth study and reflection on history can have a more clear understanding of the world's confidence in the trend of a relatively strong, then a long period when I was not anxiety, pessimism in and easily give up their ideals and aspirations. I should understand that billions of people that attempt to unify under a person's thinking, by a minority to rule by force and fraud, and the best efforts of the Chinese financing from a once the country back into the world trend and the natural direction of the economy isolation, exclusion, all the fine culture of ancient and modern politics, in any case is to maintain near, a counter on the road; is the second Nala, after the Boxer ignorance, forces of a dying moan decline, a supernatural power; are those who fear their own in the modern world, people will be mercilessly eliminated a final struggle. I should be a deep understanding of Sun Yat-sen called children, asked me to From the thick darkness, relying on the status of historical thinking and analysis to anticipate the inevitable arrival of the light, that requirement is too high.
words, of course reasonable, but it does not We had no instructions as to. Although China was sealed like a drum like: books were burned, archive, the University is closed, so that resources are very poor thinking; news, the message is blocked, we all accept that the official propaganda machine of lies, spread the facts, the truth to risk their lives, and so on. But the iron is still tainted joints: We are still able to eavesdrop on foreign countries, overseas radio broadcasts to get limited information, we can still spread from thinking, to explore the space is very small, but still there.
more importantly, there are many around us experience, knowledge of the older generation, there is very rich, they were persecuted most profit to have learned nothing useful. our school Several teachers in there. We had no idea that they should be to ask for advice, ask for advice not only knowledge, but also to the life they ask for advice, history, national experiences and lessons learned in order to broaden their horizons. we could get life from them strength and wisdom, so that some of his far-sighted, but because of their ignorance and waste of those valuable resources.
At that time, a friend of my father, who has been labeled as a ; reactionary academic authority appears to be ordinary, a high school student knows that. may be one person at the time that billions of people instead of thinking of the times, in the whole country crazy to hire good at significantly less than that of Liao Dong Ne Buddhists baking screen Gui Ying baicalensis boil Jesus asked the party Ping Yue Mu phenol chop Guo sputum custodial ape?
my friend out of my trust, the family may suffer more braving the risk of persecution, told me his father's words. His father's words caused me to think, But I did not draw proper conclusions, can not believe that human survival and development needs will hinder the progress of an overwhelming political force. I am still trying to pursue a own eight and a half if you do not waste time and that can be realized early in the development of their own words, would not be so.
life if I really know, know how to live, I should be bold, enthusiastic to pursue love. < br> to say to today's young people really incredible, when we have our class positive youth boys and girls, You mess (Love) Love !a sentient, that is, the beginning of the collapse of country. On the other hand, the policy has a direct service to this idea: a small amount of time to factories, mines and work opportunities, expressly provides that a married person shall not be taken into account; girls have to check is a virgin, not a virgin no job qualifications! it not only can not make even the slaves, but also a humiliating experience.
this way, we live together men and women educated youth, but can not have intimate contact not even a love that; our parents we often knock the alarm: do not lose because of Nannvzhiqing one of the island. How many sleepless long nights, looked from the hut's window, it is darkness, light can not see a star; in addition to twenty miles away on the train Chiguo railway sounds and the occasional dog barks in addition, some people can not hear sound. in that desolate solitude, I wonder, contact me and the world Where children? I wish that the warmth of the opposite sex to give me the power of life; I know, also surrounded by many young girls also want comfort and touch the opposite sex. If we were able to boldly pursue love, express love, show love, then of course we will not jump the queue and get career happiness together, at least give the dying love doused with water, poured the tree of life, so as not to wither.
However, we prefer to suppress their own life impulse, that is not a step, is to one day be able to finally village has two very good temperament, Nanjing female educated youth to miss the Mood for Love, not willing to trade down and still single.
have so many ; you?
may say, you are your own personal experience, not universal.
This of course is my personal experience, but it is not is not universal. In fact, the educated youth in my own experience is similar to too much. They are not their own reflection, I can not say. But the night and dreamed that, ask yourself, I believe there are few educated youth really say obtained through evolution, and therefore completely normal psychological mechanisms, will hide their own bitter experience, to cover up a bleeding wound. There is a negative experience as far as the tendency to find positive elements to assert themselves psychologically. This is self-protection mechanisms of human psychology, human survival benefit. a trace in the end the people through the logical, easy to like modern great logician Frege, Godel, Post, as the final psychological breakdown and madness. who more or less Yeah Q, I am afraid that everything can not be both honest with yourself, do not need to always be honest with themselves. So the I'd rather accept it. do is more than just less in the future, > Please leave us your story
mm that old now? how I also feel that their lives have not been fully launched? am feeling it difficult to accept.
, but just look at to a middle-aged; early in the morning and then walked the streets, parks and take a look at those who have retired, laid off in the morning there is time to morning exercises, and many have not my age I have to accept the fact that mm: at least in China, according to China current social standards, I'm old.
together from my classmates and I were forced to jump the queue to rural areas since the forty years have passed; from us into the University of counting, have also been three years. These ten flies hurry, family affairs world affairs, dodge is not open, little time to look at themselves, their wrinkles, the head of white hair; little time to think about the wrinkles, gray hair on we mean. When we look back to see their own time and was surprised to find that we, the .
is that we are irretrievably old. this year's commemoration of the domestic students, us. Ten years later, when the holding time of the fiftieth anniversary, we can guarantee that all of this year's party, including our own, still able to meet together? today, as later, will completely retreated the most marginalized of society, then, whether there will not be, in addition to our own, to remember the history of China ever had such a movement, so a generation? we willing to so quiet, occasional ripple, like to be a pond, as gradually subsided over time for the community, people, history, slowly forgetting?
No! We can not just silently out of the world! we have to write their own stories , spiritual path, for the dead fellows, China's true history, for our future generations, but also for ourselves.
if we quietly leave, how can we be worthy of those who killed the hard faithful? few days ago Domestic students sent e-letter about his classmate and two fellow students and the educated youth returned home the same village, another suicide story. his two students are talented, have their own strengths, if living now, must be very good talent. But their young lives to be swallowed dark years, never seen the light. Last year, I returned to visit a year fellows suffering from advanced gastric cancer. no more than two decades, he has been emaciated struggled up from the bed and asked me turned out to be only a question: entrusted to speak a word, or even the country are concerned about the large government! fully understand his own In addition to future generations to know, such a history in China, there had this wave of outstanding young people of their youth do not flash, it was dark swallowed. This is our lucky people who can live the only thing they do. < br> We want to leave a true record of the country. It is a historian Professor Tang Degang called years, has still to be the official public opinion in cosmetic, not refused, unwilling from the system, and their leaders from the ruling body, from the rule to be denied based on the theory completely. They superstition wrote, the real handed down forever. For example, in the 1960s more than thirty million people starved to death the great famine, the official weaving lies, said it was written documents, editorials, history books, textbooks, at great length, for decades. but the national weather records, the state's expenditure records, files in the former Soviet Union, around the local history, population statistics in, when the surviving by oral, written record of the material. In the face of the forces the logical chain of evidence, the official Lies written in ink how can I cover up the trail of blood had the people! lie where there is still room!
no doubt, villages, story, so that future generations historians to compare, identify, analyze and judge the authenticity.
may want to ask: who left us their own petty, fragmented, very personal story, how will the writing of history, work ? how spread even get down?
I answer: because of historical writing and interpretation are not the wishful thinking to imagine that the rulers are always controlled by the rulers. China several of the oldest writers of history books, such as Confucius, Hengyu, Sima Qian, not only not a The. Institute of History depends, in addition to official records, other than the official history books, but also rely on private histories and civil records, such as Chinese history, a lot of personal notes, memoirs, diaries, letters, etc., these are very personal . historian's task is by comparison, identification, analysis to Quweicunzhen, reconstruction historical truth. It is because of the existence of these people made historical documents drop, will become the official history of the control repair, as future historians found flaws in the official history of repair, reconstruction of the historical truth of the evidence chain link. just as there are a lot about the current three-year famine of private records, is become the basis for the historian of the same. As for the spread to the contemporary condition is no longer a problem. Sima Qian's time to a release, you can spread, to survive.
we have to write their own stories, leaving us the mentality of the year, as our experience and lessons learned to future generations. In the previous article, I write his career on the behavior of eight and a half to jump the queue of by the anxiety and low self-esteem, waste a lot of time; the disappointment of the future, coupled with public opinion at that time did not dare to break through the cage, long suppressed their feelings and not the pursuit of love, and so on. In a word, eight and a half hours, only to will certainly form a rich legacy of life. our generation, in addition to a handful of people, presumably there would be no material wealth for future generations, even if, as I do in the . We are doomed to poor life. But, leaving our experience and lessons to make our children on the road in their lives less we have to write their own stories for their own. fortieth anniversary of the occasion, the students to e-letter that his heart was heavy, the three students to think of suicide could not help but burst into tears. I like him recently with a heavy heart: Our mind can not completely from the depressive state of mind, this should lead to disease that the most important factor.
October 18 each year, I tend to habitually listen to Shostakovich's Thirteenth Symphony ; (Barbi-Yar, free translation is the mass murder of the Russian made, many commentators have denounced the fact that Stalin's massacre, denounced the totalitarian rule of the evil. that if vigorous, depression, filled with grief and indignation, Ruqirusu song, seems to have sing my heart. I know, this is my outlet in the heart through his music repression.
depressed state of mind from the time to get out! We Although far from unhappy life, most people had never shown a lifetime of living off the rosy ...
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